Days vs Lives
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Based on Brad Paisley's song "One of Those Lives". Jimmy and Breena's young son is diagnosed with a cancer recurrence and the future is uncertain. The Palmer's tragedy opens Tony's eyes to how lucky he is. AU with Ziva alive and Tony still working for NCIS. A few Original Characters and the standard pairings.
1. Chapter 1

Tony let the front door slam behind him. Today was one of those days he would rather forget. It must be close to Shannon and Kelly's birthday or maybe an anniversary. Because Gibbs had been extra volatile the past few days. All Tony had done was played a stupid prank. A prank that made McGee laugh and it hadn't interfered with work. They hadn't had a case in a couple weeks and were just doing paperwork until the phone rang. Somehow it sent Gibbs into a rage and now Tony's ears were ringing from the screams. Vance had actually sided with him but didn't discipline Gibbs. It wouldn't do anything anyway. Then Tony had been cut off by some rich kid in a fancy car and somehow that was his fault. Then came the traffic jam. To make things worse. The store was out of his favorite chips and he received a news alert that one of his favorite shows was coming to an end in a few weeks. Just when he thought it could not get any worse. He noticed a nasty stain on his favorite jeans. He had never been happier to return home. From the living room he heard Tali crying and Jenny and Tyler arguing. Toys were everywhere and Ziva was nowhere to be found. Tyler's project, which was due the next day was half finished, covered with Cheetos dust on the counter. Jenny make-up was scattered on the table. Even though she was only allowed to wear it on special occasions and it was supposed to be kept in the bathroom. He headed into the family room. Where he tripped over Tali's train-set. The same set which had been taken away after being left out.

"Where is your mother?!" Tony demanded.

"I don't know. I was at the library with Daisy and Carla." Jenny explained.

"She's been on the phone forever! Since we got home at least!" Tyler exclaimed.

"She's crying" Tali added.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"I dunno" Tali replied.

* * *

Now Tony was more worried than anything. Ziva was not the type to talk on the phone for hours and she certainly did not let her children run wild, so she could talk. She did not cry around anybody. Unless something was very wrong. He found himself bolting up the stairs and bursting through the door. The lock had been broken since before Tali was born. Ziva sat on the bed, her eyes red and puffy, her head hung low, and her hair covering her face. She was cursing in Hebrew, in a broken voice. Holding her phone in a death grip. He coughed to get her attention. Whens she heard him, she looked up, and Tony got a good look at her face. She must have been crying for hours.

"Oh Tony. I was just trying to call you." Ziva commented.

"Yeah my phone's dead and I can't find my car charger." Tony explained.

"Have you spoken to Jimmy today?" Ziva questioned.

"No Breena and him were out of town. They had an appointment for Eddie.." Tony explained.

"Yeah I know. I just got off the phone with Breena. Tony. The cancer is back." Ziva replied in a broken whisper.

"Are they sure?" Tony asked.

"Unfortunately they have been waiting on the final results for a while now." Ziva replied.

"Is it in the same spot?" Tony asked.

"It's spread through the brain and to his spine. They have found other masses in his lungs and on his liver. They won't have those results for a few days but it's not looking good." Ziva explained.

"God, poor Jimmy and Breena. Poor Eddie and Victoria." Tony whispered.

"I know it's breaking my heart." Ziva replied.

"Is there anything we can do?" Tony asked.

"Not right now. Right now they just want privacy." Ziva replied.

"OK" Tony replied.

* * *

Tony's heart was broken and none of his problems seemed to matter. Everything wrong in his life would eventually go away. Most issues would not even matter tomorrow. Eddie and the rest of the Palmer's were not so lucky. Eddie had gotten sick just before his second birthday. He had never been to school and only rarely spent time with not sick kids. Little Victoria had only known hospitals and being tossed to friends or relatives. When Eddie could not be around her. Jimmy and Breena had missed months if not years of work in the past four years. Jimmy only stayed on at NCIS because of pure pity and Breena was only employed because she worked for her dad. Still Jimmy had to work and be away. Just to keep the family afloat. They were sure the last trial had worked and this nightmare was over. Now just six months later, it had come roaring back. Six months was the longest remission but they knew going in, just how grim the prognosis was.

* * *

From downstairs Tony could hear Tali melting down and the twins arguing. Whatever it was, was probably stupid. Nothing against his kids but three year olds and thirteen year olds were not exactly know for their logic. It drove Tony up the wall but at least his children could argue. At least when they cried it was not from pain or illness. They were all healthy and Ziva was healthy. He had his health problems but it was nothing serious. His family truly was blessed. Because so many he knew were not so lucky. Delilah was paralyzed and even though she was doing well. She still had her struggles. Just that day had been angry at Gibbs and blamed his grief. He could not imagine that pain. Now Eddie was sick and maybe dying. He could not imagine that.

"Are you OK?" Ziva asked.

"I had such a shitty day. I got yelled at by Gibbs, cussed out in traffic, stuck in traffic. I ruined my jeans, they didn't have my chips and Midnight got canceled. I was so miserable but none of that matters. Not compared to Eddie." Tony explained.

"We are allowed to have bad days." Ziva reminded.

"I know but it's just one bad day. Eddie and the Palmer's have had bad years." Tony explained.

"I know" Ziva replied.

"We are so blessed." Tony replied.

"We are and who knows. Miracles happen every day." Ziva replied.

* * *

 **A/N: What do you think? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review**.


	2. Palmers' Perspective

Breena was in the hospital with Eddie, while Jimmy packed up and prepared to move back into the Ronald McDonald House. Jimmy had prayed he would never see that place again. At least not under the circumstances that he did. They had lived their more than home the past four years. Four years ago Breena had taken her pregnancy test in their bathroom. Then just last year Victoria had taken her first steps in the common room. That moment was actually pretty amazing. So many parents in that room would never see their children walk. Either because the child would die before they could walk or because their condition would never allow them to walk. People had applauded and cried as Victoria toddled across the room. It was moment of hope. Hope something Jimmy did not have a lot of right now.

* * *

Breena was miserable and six hours from home. It would be at least one night where she was six hours from her husband and daughter. Her son was only across the street, but he may as well be on the other side of the planet. She wanted to be with him but visiting hours had ended. She knew they wanted parents to get sleep, but she was not going to sleep. She had so hoped these days were over. She did not miss this place. She missed the people. Some people remained from their last visit. Either because their children were still sick or because their child's illness had returned. Just like Eddie's had. Most of the families were gone. Some went home with a healthy or at least stable child. Far too many had left with heavy hearts and empty arms. Too many familiar names on the wall of angels. She hated to say it but she was sure that Eddie's name would be on that wall one day. This trial was the last real option. At least at the time of Eddie's last remission. They would discuss options tomorrow but more than likely it would be a round of radiation and then send Eddie home to "make him comfortable". Her son might be dying and that just didn't seem right. Tori should be able to grow up with her big brother.

* * *

Jimmy was not doing much better in the sleep department. For once he was grateful for Tori's crying and refusal to sleep. At least it was a distraction. His mind kept wandering to Eddie. He was going to bring Tori up the next day. He had everything packed away. He had packed for a month but they may not be there as long. They may be there long enough for Joey to get radiation and then send him home to die. They may just turn around and come home. It depended on what happened and what the doctor's felt was best for Eddie. Jimmy was praying for a miracle. He prayed that they would have a new trial and that they could get Eddie in. He would do just about anything to save his boy. The part that really sucked. Was that he was a doctor but he could do nothing. It did not matter that pediatric oncology was not his field. He had noticed that something was wrong months before the first diagnosis, yet he could not do anything for him.

"Please just be OK, Eddie. At least until morning." Jimmy pleaded.

* * *

Breena was desperate to have one of her children in her arms. So desperate that she grabbed their picture off the counter. She held it close and cried. She wondered how many more pictures they would take together. She wondered if Tori would even remember her brother. She was only two and most kids did not have memories before three. She prayed that Eddie would at least have enough good days to make memories. She wanted the memories for Tori but also for herself and Jimmy. She wanted them for Eddie. Should their be a miracle and Eddie were to finally be cured for good.

* * *

Tori finally fell asleep about four. Jimmy knew he needed to sleep before he made the drive but he did not see that happening. He set the alarm to ten and prayed that would be enough. He closed his eyes and somehow managed to fall asleep. If sleep is what you could call it. He tossed and turned and the sleep that he got was plagued by nightmares. He would give anything for this ordeal to just be over. Well not just over. He would give anything for Eddie to be cured. He wanted only for his son to live and to beat the odds. Unfortunately that did not seem to be in the cards. Eddie was going to die and Jimmy wondered how he would ever sleep again.

* * *

Breena forced herself out of bed with the alarm. They would not be meeting with the doctors until afternoon. There was still an hour before she could see Eddie. She knew that she should probably head down to the cafeteria but food was not appealing to her. She honestly felt sick to her stomach. Even more so than she had been the past few weeks. She studied the small box that sat on the counter. She could not believe that she would be doing this again here or maybe she would wait until they got home. Unfortunately she did not know when they would be home or if Eddie would be with them. She did really want Eddie to know. If he was going to be a big brother again. This pregnancy was both the last thing she wanted and the thing she wanted most in the world. She had always wanted three or four kids but now was not the best time. Not when Eddie might be dying. Life was complicated enough but if she was pregnant. She was pregnant. There was no going back from there. Well she could get an abortion but this child was wanted and an abortion was a fairly serious medical procedure. When you had a possibly terminal child. Even a few days out of commission was too much time.

* * *

 **A/N: I am still not sure if Breena will be pregnant or not. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	3. News

Jimmy and Tori arrived by the next afternoon. They left Tori with a care taker and headed to the main hospital. Where they would speak with Eddie's doctors. They were about to find out what the future held. If there would be a future.

"If they give us any options. Any at all we are going to do it." Breena said, as they rode the elevator.

"Agreed" Jimmy replied.

* * *

By the next morning everybody at NCIS had heard about Eddie. They were already discussing ways they could help the Palmer's. What they needed most was money. Jimmy would be out of work as long as they were in Boston and Breena would be out as long as Eddie was too sick to be left with anybody else. Insurance and various charities helped with the medical bills but the Palmer's still had expenses to worry about.

"We could do a charity basketball game." Tony suggested.

"Basketball is your solution to everything." Ziva laughed.

"Actually not a bad idea. Most of you play basketball. I used to but my knees don't like it so much anymore. I could still referee or something." Gibbs offered.

"What about those of us who aren't athletically gifted?" McGee questioned.

"Dungeons and Dragons tournament?" Tony teased.

"Actually not a bad idea. D&D is sacred to kids who have to stay in the hospital. Believe me." McGee explained.

"Something you aren't telling us?" Tony asked actually concerned.

"I was in the hospital a few times for asthma but it was actually a friend of Sarah's. Her cousin was in my D&D group and we would bring a board to the hospital." McGee explained.

"That's sweet" Tony replied.

"Any ideas, Ziver?" Gibbs asked.

"Abby and I were actually discussing a bake sale. We could hold it at the same time as the basketball tournament" Ziva explained.

"Good ideas, all of you." Gibbs announced.

"What are you going to do? You don't want to play ball, you hate Dungeons and Dragons, and I you certainly don't bake." Tony asked.

"I am going to auction off a few of my woodworking projects." Gibbs replied.

"Silent auction I am assuming." Tony teased.

"Watch it!" Gibbs warned slapping Tony on the head.

* * *

Jimmy and Breena took seats side by side in, Dr. Jasper's office. The last time they had been there. They had been told that Eddie's cancer was still gone. That was just thirty days ago. They were this close to only having to go every three months. Now they were back to square one.

"Unfortunately given this being the fifth recurrence and the last two trials failing. We are just about out of options. There is a clinical trial out in California that Edward could qualify for but his tumor is more than likely too large. I am waiting to hear back." Dr. Jasper explained.

"What about chemo and radiation?" Jimmy asked, even though they had never worked well.

"We have the option for treatment to extend life. Possibly even reduce the cancer but it will not put him into remission." Dr. Jasper explained.

"So you are saying that Eddie is terminal?" Breena asked.

"I am afraid that is how it looks." Dr. Jasper replied.

"How long does he have?" Jimmy asked.

"One to three months without treatment. Three to six with." Dr. Jasper explained.

* * *

Jimmy and Breena returned to their room heart broken. They spent a short amount of time with Eddie but he was sleeping and Tori was wanting them. They had some big decisions to make. They could try radiation and maybe get extra time, but maybe not. They may get lucky with the radiation would shrink the tumor enough for the trial but the odds were not good.

"What should we do?" Breena asked.

"We agreed we would do what it takes to save Eddie." Jimmy reminded.

"So chemo and radiation to give us more time and maybe make us eligible for the trial?" Breena questioned.

"That's what we need to do. As hard as it will be to see Eddie go through treatment again." Jimmy explained.

* * *

That evening the older DiNozzo children had gone to a school function. It was just Tony, Ziva, and Tali. Tony had just finished getting Tali to sleep. Ziva had rushed into the bathroom just as Tony was finishing Tali's bath and been in there ever since. Tony was worried for her. She was taking Eddie's illness hard but she had been acting strange lately and she had been sick a lot.

"Tony?" Ziva called.

"You alright?" Tony asked.

"I am going to pick up the twins." Ziva explained.

"They don't have to be picked up until nine." Tony reminded.

"I know but I...I have to run to the store first. Do you need anything?" Ziva asked.

"I don't need anything but what could you need at this hour?" Tony asked.

"Just something for tomorrow. I will be right back." Ziva replied hastily.

* * *

Breena waited until Jimmy was asleep. She had forgotten about the pregnancy test until now. She was going to wait until morning. When the test would be most accurate but she needed to hide the box until Jimmy found it. She hid the box under the sink, where it would wait for another morning. She wondered what the results would show and what the future would bring. If she were pregnant, would the baby know it's brother? More than likely not. The most Eddie was given was six months and Breena could only be a few weeks. She would bury one child and then birth another. It just didn't seem fair.

"Hey can I get in here? I just forgot to brush my teeth." Jimmy asked.

"Go ahead." Breena sniffed.

"Hey are you OK? Wait what's this? Breena are you?" Jimmy rambled.

"I don't know. I forgot to take the test today but it sure feels like the first two times." Breena explained.

"Do you want to be?" Jimmy asked.

"No but I don't have much choice." Breena laughed, before bursting into tears.

* * *

 **A/N: Could Ziva be pregnant too? In case you are wondering the twins are twelve years old and they are only Tony's by blood. Ziva is the step-mother. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	4. Conflicted

Tony tried to play it cool but deep down he was a little worried for Ziva. She had taken three different pregnancy tests. One came out positive, the second negative, and the third inconclusive. There was a chance that the results were off. Because she did not get to take the test first thing in the morning. Tali had an accident during the night. By the time Ziva got her cleaned and dealt with the twins morning drama. She spaced and forgot about the tests. She took them at work and when she got different results. She decided to go in for a blood test. She considered using Abby in favor of not having to miss work. Until she remembered how half the office knew about Tali before she did. So she made an appointment with her doctor. She told her supervisory agent that she had forgotten about the appointment and Tony backed her up. He had wanted to go but a case came up and Gibbs would not let him go. If it was just a routine visit.

"DINOZZO!" Gibbs barked.

"Yes sir?" Tony questioned.

"Bag and tag! You can day dream in the car!" Gibbs barked.

"Sorry just thinking about stuff." Tony replied.

"We are all very sad about Eddie but if it's impacting your work. Get yourself out of the field before we have another tragedy on our hands." Gibbs insisted.

"Here's the thing. We might already." Tony muttered.

"What's that?" Gibbs asked.

"Nothing" Tony replied.

"Go to the car. We'll be done soon. After we get back you take the afternoon. If you aren't together in the morning. I am taking you out of the field." Gibbs explained.

* * *

Ziva was just as nervous as Tony. She knew that things happened in threes. Eddie's diagnosis had come three days ago now. Just the week before Donna Jenkins from the armory had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her disease was caught early and the outlook was positive. Still that was two diagnosed in a week. What if she were the third?

"Congratulations Mrs. DiNozzo. You are pregnant." Dr. Taylor announced.

* * *

The Palmer's would remain in Boston for ten to fourteen days. Eddie would have his radiation treatments. At the end of the treatments. He would either return home to die or they may fly to California for the trial. Jimmy would be taking Eddie to treatments. While Breena remained at the Ronald McDonald House with Tori.

"I am going to take Eddie. I will be back around one." Jimmy announced.

"OK" Breena replied.

"Hey did you take the test?" Jimmy asked.

"Can we talk later?" Breena asked.

"Yeah I need to get going anyway." Jimmy replied.

* * *

Breena turned on cartoons for Tori and slipped into the bathroom. She carefully removed the test wand from the trash can. She closed her eyes and shook the wand. As if that would change the result somehow. No the result was still exactly the same as it had been all along. She was still pregnant. She had one child dying, another on the way, and another lost in the shuffle. She slipped back into the bedroom. Picked up Victoria and carried her over to the bed. She fell onto the sheets and closed her eyes.

"What am I going to do?" Breena asked.

* * *

Ziva was shocked and her emotions were mixed. Everything else aside Tony and her had agreed to stop after Tali. Tony had the twins from his first marriage and they had gone back and forth on more children. They had finally agreed on one baby together. One baby and no more. Now Ziva was pregnant. Ziva was pregnant. They already had a three year old toddler and twelve year old twins. Ziva had only been back at work for a year and now she was going to have to step back again. Tony had just commented that they were done with diapers, until they were their own. Now they were going to have another baby. It was a blessing and Ziva figured Tony would be happy. She saw the way he looked at McGee and Delilah's son. Secretly she had wanted another baby. Still the timing was not great. The Palmer's would lose their son soon. Ziva worried her baby would hurt Jimmy and Breena.

"Tony? What are you doing home?" Ziva gasped.

"Gibbs sent me home early." Tony replied.

"You didn't tell him anything? Did you?" Ziva questioned.

"No I was just distracted in the field." Tony explained.

"Good I mean not good but well you know." Ziva replied.

"Yeah. Hey are you OK?" Tony asked.

"I am pregnant." Ziva replied.

"Are you sure?" Tony asked.

"I had the blood test and they did an ultrasound to be sure. Everything looks great and I am measuring around six weeks." Ziva explained.

"Oh boy" Tony gasped.

"I know we agreed on one but I guess we weren't as careful as we thought. If you really don't want this then I can schedule an appointment with the clinic..." Ziva explained.

"No I want the baby and I know this is my fault. I didn't want to bother with a condom that night. It's just this is big." Tony explained.

"It is" Ziva agreed.

"I did want another boy." Tony commented.

"Me too" Ziva agreed.

* * *

Back in Boston, Breena was practically shaking. She must have fallen asleep. Because the next thing she knew Jimmy was shaking her awake. In her dream she was giving birth as Eddie died. Literally in the same room side by side. In her dream the baby was screaming and she was bleeding. The baby flew onto Eddie and they morphed into one. She tried to grab her baby but Eddie was crying for her. She grabbed him and the baby shattered.

"Breena? Are you OK?" Jimmy asked.

"I just had the worst dream." Breena whispered.

"What was it about?" Jimmy questioned.

"I can't talk about it. At least not now." Breena replied.

"Well I am here when you are ready." Jimmy assured.

"Jimmy there is something I have to tell you." Breena whispered.

"What?" Jimmy asked.

"I'm pregnant." Breena sniffed.

"Oh" Jimmy replied, just as conflicted as his wife.

* * *

 **A/N: It's going to be a long few months for the Palmer's. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	5. Falling

After a total of seventeen days in Boston, the Palmer's were devastated to receive the results of Eddie's final scans. The radiation had not touched the cancer in fact each mass had grown and new spots were discovered. There was officially nothing more that could be done. The Palmer's would be bringing Eddie home the following morning. Due his condition Eddie would be returning to DC in a medical helicopter. Jimmy would be riding with him and Breena would be driving Tori home in the Palmer's van. Neither was ready to return home. Though they were grateful that Eddie could die at home. They were dreading heading home. They were dreading all the people wanting to visit and offering sympathy.

"Everything is set up. We will be leaving tomorrow at nine." Jimmy announced.

"Did you tell anybody back home? I don't want a bunch of people at the house." Breena asked.

"I have only told Ducky and Tony. Ducky said to call if we wanted him to come over. Tony said that the twins and Tali have colds. So they won't be coming over for a few more days." Jimmy explained.

"They agreed not to tell Abby, right? I know she is your friend but I can't deal with her. At least not when we first return home." Breena explained.

"I made them promise not to tell anybody." Jimmy assured.

* * *

Ziva had told Director Vance about her pregnancy and she was immediately taken from the field. She was currently floating between various departments doing what she could. She missed the field but knew it was what was best for her baby. So far everything was going well but she was waiting until the second trimester. They had announced right away with Tali and got lucky. They knew they may not have the same luck this time.

"Hey Ziva? How are you feeling?" McGee questioned.

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Ziva replied nervously.

"Aren't Tony and the kids sick?" McGee asked.

"Yes they all have colds but it hasn't hit me yet." Ziva explained.

"Do you know anything about the Palmer's?" McGee questioned.

"Tony said something about them coming home but I am blanking on the date." Ziva explained.

"Oh well I hope they have good news when they get back." McGee replied.

"Me too" Ziva agreed, even though she knew the truth.

* * *

Jimmy and Breena their things that night. They wanted to be able just to walk out the door in the morning. They were facing another sleepless night. Which would be especially hard on Breena. She wished that she could take something but her pregnancy limited what she could use. So she closed her eyes and just prayed that she would fall asleep. Tori was sleeping in her arms and Eddie was sleeping close to Jimmy. They had talked to Eddie that afternoon. He was pretty out of it and did not seem to respond. Secretly they hoped that he would stay that way. Neither could bear having to actually talk to him about death. They had talked to Tori too but she was much too small to fully understood. The coming months would be as confusing for her as they were painful for Jimmy and Breena. The coming months were what they had dreaded since Eddie's initial diagnosis. Even when the doctors were optimistic. Death was always on their minds, death was always behind them. Both had worked with death for their entire adult lives but neither could handle it when it was their family. Certainly not when it was their child.

* * *

Tony felt terrible. The good news was that Dr. Pitt had cleared him. The bad was that he had about fifty prescriptions to keep him out of danger. In reality it was four but it may as well have been fifty. Tony hated taking medication. The only reason he even filled anything. Was because Ziva did not want to go to the hospital, while pregnant and because he apparently could not be trusted. Gibbs had taken him to be checked. Then Gibbs had watched him fill the prescriptions and read over the slip that Dr. Pitt had given. Talk about embarrassing. Of course Tony wanted to stay healthy for his wife and children. He just did not appreciate being treated like a toddler. He was a grown man for Pete's sake.

* * *

Breena loaded up on coffee to make the drive. She knew it was not the healthiest option but it was her only choice. They could not stay at Ronald McDonald House without Eddie and they did not want to pay for a hotel. Staying another day was not an option either. Eddie was getting weaker by the day. If he got much worse, he would not be able to come home. As much as they were dreading the chaos, that would come with being home. They idea of Eddie dying in a hospital, in a strange city was far worse.

* * *

Keeping it together in the helicopter was by far the hardest thing for Jimmy. It was the big rule and the hardest to follow. He was breaking down several times a day since Eddie's relapse and that number had nearly doubled since they had learned there was no more hope. Now he was suddenly expected to keep it together for the entire flight. He had absolutely no idea how he was going to get through this terrible ordeal.

* * *

By that evening the Palmer's were all home together. Ducky had stopped by just long enough to check on Eddie and drop off some groceries. Still only Tony and him knew but the others would have to find out soon enough. Before long they would be flooded with calls and messages, for that night however. They just appreciated the time that they had with their beloved son. Not knowing how long they had but knowing that it was tragically limited. They had set up a miniature hospital room for Eddie in the living room. They had set up the fold out couch and had initially planned on taking turns sleeping out there. While the other slept in the bed. Now they were sharing the fold out couch and they had set up Tori's travel bed beside them. They were wanting to take advantage of every second they had as a family.

* * *

 **A/N: Will the Palmer's be able to handle the extra attention? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	6. Preparation

Three days later and Ducky was still the only one to visit with the Palmer family. The DiNozzo's were all feeling better. Including Ziva who had developed a minor case of the virus, but they were waiting until they were sure everything passed. Slowly the family became ready for visitors. They had set up a makeshift living area in the kitchen. So they would not have to disturb Eddie with visitors or if they desired to watch television.

"You can invite your co-workers but make sure they know the rules. They have to wash their hands and put on masks before entering Eddie's room and if Eddie is asleep they cannot go into his room. If he is having a bad day it is family only and we don't talk about death or cancer around either child. They know but we are not shoving it down their throats." Breena explained.

"What about Abby?" Jimmy asked.

"If she is going to be her usual ten. She is going to have to go. I can't deal with a ten right now. I can barely handle Ducky and he's like a two." Breena explained.

"That's going to be rough for Abby." Jimmy sighed.

"Well when her child is dying! She can decide how people act!" Breena snapped.

"Breena" Jimmy whispered.

"Just leave me alone Jimmy! I need to be alone now!" Breena snapped.

* * *

The twins were arguing about something stupid and Tali was having a tantrum about something equally stupid. Just a few days before all three had been sick in bed. Now they were fine and it was as if they had never been sick. Tony had recovered although he still had to use a couple prescriptions. Even Ziva had bounced back. Though her illness had increased her nausea and she hadn't quite gotten through that one yet. Still they were very lucky. They were lucky the worst their children had ever faced was a few nasty bouts with the flu. Tali had ended up hospitalized the previous winter but she was back to her old self in a matter of days. Eddie Palmer and other children were not so lucky. For starters they had a fatal or potentially fatal illnesses. For another even a simple cold could kill them. He had heard about sick kids pretty frequently being a cop for so many years. He just never imagined that it would effect him. Even though his children were healthy. He was effected by Eddie Palmer's illness. Seeing your best friend fall apart and being completely helpless impacted his life. Knowing how easy it could be one of his own. They had thought Eddie just had a virus and took him to the pediatrician. In an instant everything had changed. One day that could be one of Tony's kids.

* * *

The others would be coming the following afternoon. Jimmy had set out a bowl of masks by the doorway. It was like some germaphobes Halloween. Just masks in a bowl and a sign that read _"TAKE ONE OR LEAVE"_ in bold, bright letters. Breena did not want anybody coming. Abby was by far the worst but the others had there own issues. Nobody wanted to be around a sick child and nobody knew what to say. Jimmy had considered just saying he did not want visitors but he knew that Eddie needed support and that everybody had the right to say goodbye. He was practically sick from the stress. It didn't help that Breena was upstairs sobbing and there was nothing he could do for her. She wasn't even talking to him and he could not even think of anything he had done wrong. He had just continued a conversation that she had started. This was destroying both of them. The only thing keeping them going was Tori. Tori the sweet girl who was staying with her grandfather while she battled a stomach virus. The child who had been shoved aside her entire life. Shoved aside so that her parents could deal with her brother's cancer. Shoved aside because her mom couldn't get out of bed. Shoved aside because her dad was cleaning houses and mowing lawns to make ends meet. Nobody was winning in this situation. That was the worst part of everything.

* * *

Breena was alone in her bedroom. She knew that Jimmy meant well standing up for Abby. They had been friends for years but Breena was never Abby's biggest fan. Things only got worse when Eddie got sick. Abby was a nice person but she just did not understand that not everybody could handle excessive perkiness. Some people did not need the extra stress and right now Breena was certainly one of them. Her world was falling apart and as unfair as it was. She wished that everybody could be as miserable as she was.

* * *

Jimmy helped the nurse get Eddie cleaned up and changed. They had replaced the sheets on the hospital bed. Eddie had not woken all day and the nurse said she suspected the end was near. There was no timeline but Eddie was going downhill fast. They were lucky to be able to get him home from Boston. The doctors had discussed the possibility of Eddie being to sick to return home. In which case they would have remained in the hospital. They would have been moved to a special room where they could all stay together. Thankfully it had not happened that way. Though deep down Jimmy wished that it had. He was dreading his son dying in their home. He wondered if they would be able to stay there or if they would have to move elsewhere. He couldn't help but wonder if the family would survive this ordeal or if they would fall apart. Statistically his and Breena's marriage was doomed. Statistically there was a good chance that Tori would grow up resenting them. She had been shoved aside so much and it would be worse if the Palmer's broke up. There new baby may feel like a replacement. They could be one of those tragically broken families you read about. They could end up being completely void of hope.

* * *

 **A/N: How will the team's visit go? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	7. The End

It was a miserable night for the Palmer family. Eddie was in a great deal of pain and even after being drugged into oblivion with pain killers. There was still no relief. He cried until he eventually passed out from the pain. He wanted his parents to comfort him but touch was too painful. All Jimmy and Breena could do was stand by completely helpless. The seizures began at dawn and they were horrific. Worse than any the boy had suffered before. Thankfully they did not last long, but Eddie was unresponsive after the last episode. His body had become cold and his eyes were rolled back. He was alive but very weak, and his body was not responding. Feeds had been stopped the night before. All Eddie had done was aspirate and vomit. He was no longer using the bathroom or responding. The end was near.

"We cannot have your friends over. I don't want anybody here. I just want family." Breena explained.

"But they all already made the plans to come over. It isn't easy in their line of work and Tony had to find a sitter for Tali." Jimmy insisted.

"I don't care about any of them or THEIR plans. It is OUR son who is dying. It is OUR business and OUR lives!" Breena ranted.

"I'll make the call." Jimmy sighed.

"GOOD!" Breena spat.

* * *

Jimmy called everybody and let them know what was going on. For the most part everybody was understanding and sympathetic. Abby was angry at first but he heard Ziva talking harshly in the background and then Abby apologized for her behavior. Jimmy did say they would try to arrange another day "If things changed." Even though he knew there would be no change. The signs were not there. Eddie was not going to bounce back this time. Even if he did rally. Jimmy doubted it would last long enough to arrange a visit. Eddie's hospice nurse Mary, confirmed what Breena said. Unexpected visitors, even family were the last thing the Palmer's needed. It wasn't good for Eddie and it was even worse for Breena and him.

"I called and told everybody we couldn't have visitors today." Jimmy announced.

"You didn't reschedule right?" Breena demanded.

"No, all I said was that if there was any change I would let them know." Jimmy explained.

"Well now they'll be calling every five minutes to see if there's any change!" Breena snapped.

"I told them not to call us and that I would probably have my phone off." Jimmy clarified.

"Good! I am glad you are actually taking this seriously!" Breena spat.

* * *

Tony knew as soon as Jimmy called him. Actually his fears were far worse than what Jimmy actually said. He was terrified that Eddie had died and that's why he received the call during work hours. It came as a relief to know that Eddie was simply doing poorly and that Breena did not want any visitors. The relief was temporary, because Tony soon realized that if Eddie were too sick for even planned visits. That his time was brief. It was hard for Tony not to take off of work and go collect his children school and daycare. Just spend the rest of the day as a family but that was what could happen. Tony knew he would be missing a lot of work in the coming months. Ziva's pregnancy was healthy but Tony wanted to attend as many of the appointments as possible.

"Did Jimmy call you?" Tony asked Ziva. Most of the teams were on lunch break and the couple had met up in the break-room.

"Yes he wanted to make sure we both got the memo." Ziva replied.

"Sad isn't it?" Tony asked.

"Tragic" Ziva replied.

* * *

Jimmy and Breena called Ed and had him bring Tori back to their home. The family had now gathered around Eddie's bed. There was no change since that morning. No change good or bad. They had given Eddie his last dose of morphine about an hour ago. That had eased him slightly but he remained frail and unresponsive.

"We need to say goodbye." Breena announced.

"Are you sure? I mean he could rally." Ed reminded.

"At this point it is highly unlikely." Jimmy explained.

* * *

The family took turns with their goodbyes. Breena went first, while Ed and Jimmy took Tori to the kitchen. Breena took a seat on her son's bed and picked up his hand. He did not shriek in pain as he had the night before. That was a small relief.

"Eddie, I love you so much. You are my first child, you made me a mom. I was so excited to hold you for the first time. This is not how it should be. You should be teasing your sister and driving us crazy. None of this is fair. I love you and I will never forget you." Breena told her son.

After Breena had said her goodbye. She went to the kitchen and Jimmy entered the living room. Jimmy took the seat Breena had previously occupied. He was not so strong. He could not hold his son's hand. He could barely look at him. He was crying before he even begun to speak.

"Eddie you were the best son. I love you so much. It should be me and not you. I will make sure that your siblings know you." Jimmy said.

After Jimmy's goodbye it was Ed's turn. Jimmy stepped into the kitchen and pulled Breena into a tight hug. While Ed entered the living room. He stood beside the bed and focused on the child's hands. This was painful for him. He was an old man and still working five days a week. Eddie was four and had been sick his entire life. There was no justice.

"You were my first grandchild, my first grandson, and you were my namesake, I loved you so much. I love you so much. You and your sister are the best things in the world to me. I love you." Ed spoke.

* * *

Night had fallen and the Palmer's had allowed Tori to say her last goodbyes. The toddler did not understand the gravity of the situation and simply patted her brother's back and called for him to wake up. The same way that Breena woke her up and had woken Eddie when he was well. Now the entire family had gathered around the room. They knew it would happen that night.

It happened just after three in the morning. The event was peaceful. It was not like a death in the movies. Eddie did not retch in pain or convulse, nor did he wake up and give a last goodbye. Everything just sort of stopped. Jimmy and Breena had signed a DNR when Eddie first got sick, there was no question there. Mary simply called the time of death and asked the Palmer's what they wanted. They wanted to spend time with their son, so that's what they did. They sat and held him until morning. Breena was hysterical and Jimmy did not know what to do. Ed cried silent tears and Tori did not understand. The one thing they had in common is that nobody knew what to do or what to say.

* * *

 **A/N: How will the family cope? How is Jimmy really feeling that his family was excluded from the end of Eddie's life? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	8. Breaking

Ed saw to it that the arrangements were taken care of. The Palmer's had agreed to have Eddie's tumors donated for scientific research. They would not have his body back for at least five days and his funeral was scheduled for exactly seven days after. There would be a small service for family only as soon as they had the body back. Ed had purchased Jimmy and Breena burial plots for their wedding. He had relocated the plots to ensure that Eddie could be buried along side his parents. The arrangements were made. All Jimmy and Breena had to do was mourn.

* * *

Jimmy was as furious as he was heartbroken. His son was dead and that was the worst pain he had ever endured. His family did not even get a chance to say goodbye because Breena could not handle it. He knew that she was in hell right now but this was not any easier for him. He hated that Ed got to say goodbye and even be present at the death. When his family did not even get to say goodbye. He knew that Breena just saw them as co-workers. Maybe that was true but they were the closest thing Jimmy had to a father and siblings. Shouldn't they have the same rights as Ed?

* * *

Breena had her head buried in her son's pillow. The medical supply company would be by to collect everything in the morning. It was awful selfish if you think about it. How dare they just swoop in and take everything? She had just lost her child. Didn't she deserve some time?

* * *

Jimmy was broken. He could not believe that it had really happened. How could his son be gone? How could he really be dead? Everything was supposed to be fine. That last trial was supposed to work and it did work. Things were finally getting back to normal and then it came back. They were told nothing could be done but still Jimmy held onto hope. There were miracles and surprises every day. How often did you hear about a person at death's door who was suddenly cured. Why couldn't that be Eddie? Why did the cancer have to win? Why did his life have to fall apart? Why did Breena not see his needs? Why did he care so much about something so trivial at a time like this?

* * *

Tony and Ziva had been at work when they got the news. Jimmy only had the energy to call Ducky and Breena was too devastated to even get out of bed. The DiNozzos found themselves clinging to each other in the break-room. Tony was devastated. He hated that he never got the chance to say goodbye. He respected the Palmer's privacy but he still wished that he had been given that chance. Of course he knew it was not about him. It was about the Palmers but he still wished that he could do more. Even if they did not want guests he could have sent over food or offered to take Tori for a while. He knew that Ed was keeping her but she got along well with Tali.

"I feel like there is more that we should have done." Tony commented.

"Ducky was saying that Breena really did not want any visitors." Ziva explained.

"Well we could have had something delivered or sent them money." Tony replied.

"I remember my parents after Tali was killed. When a grieving parent requests privacy even not visiting can be too much." Ziva explained.

"Still I just feel like there was something I could have done." Tony sighed.

"There was nothing we could have done and there is nothing we can do now. Just drop it." Ziva insisted.

"Ziva are you alright?" Tony questioned.

"I am just tired." Ziva explained.

"Baby keeping you up already?" Tony asked.

"The baby, Tali, the twins, the Palmer's, nuclear war, loose dogs, cancer, car accidents. My mind raced all night. It's funny I heard about that happening to pregnant woman but it never happened with Tali. Eddie was sick then too as I recall and the prognosis was pretty grim. Every pregnancy is different I suppose." Ziva explained.

* * *

Jimmy and Breena were in the same room for the first time since Eddie's body had been taken. Ed had finally brought Breena up to bed when he came over to get something for Tori. Jimmy was lying awake and Breena was pacing around the room.

"I do not want them to come to the private service. That is for family only." Breena declared

"Whose them?" Jimmy questioned.

"Your co-workers! I don't want them around!" Breena snapped.

"If you don't want Abby there just say." Jimmy hissed.

"Of course I don't want Abby to come! I don't want any of them to be there! They are not family! They are not close friends! They are co-workers!" Breena screamed.

"They actually are my family and my friends!" Jimmy snapped back.

"Well I do not care! They are not my family and they are not your family either!" Breena bellowed.

"They are the closest thing I have!" Jimmy shouted.

"So Tori and I don't count?! Eddie did not count?! Our unborn child does not count?!" Breena demanded.

"I never said that! They were my family before I met you! Before any of our children ever existed! They have been my family for years! I don't have any living siblings and both my parents are dead too! They are all I had!" Jimmy cried.

"Well you have us now so it's time to cut the cord!" Breena demanded.

* * *

Jimmy went back downstairs and curled up on the couch. He could not take his eyes of the hospital bed. He could not wait until that cursed bed was gone. It was the thing he hated most in the world. It was a constant reminder of his son's illness. If he could have he would have had everything hauled away that afternoon. Unfortunately Breena had insisted they keep it. He hated to admit it but he kind of hated her right now.

* * *

 **A/N: Will the Palmer's survive this ordeal? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	9. Breaking Apart

Jimmy found himself just going through the motions, during the days following his son's death. He wondered how he was supposed to live the rest of his life. The day before the funeral a new sensation set in. Suddenly he was glad that Eddie was dead. After all of the suffering Eddie had endured. Death was a blessing. Knowing that his son was free of seizures, needle pricks, hospital stays, and pain. It killed him but he gave him great peace. He hated feeling that way but that was the truth. Fogged by grief and lack of sleep. He made the mistake of sharing his feeling of relief with Breena.

"How dare you! How dare you say such a thing?!" Breena demanded.

"Well it's true!" Jimmy snapped.

"You are glad our son is dead?! That is the most horrid, disgusting thing I have ever heard! A child died and you are glad! What were you sick of spending money on his medical treatment instead of your toys?! Embarrassed to be changing a four year old's diaper?! Tired of feeding tubes! Tired of him being the center of attention?!" Breena spouted.

"Breena I miss Eddie but he suffered every day! I was sick of watching him scream in pain constantly! I got sick of having to pump drugs and poison into his body! I got sick of seizures and pneumonia! I was sick of seeing my son suffer and never being able to do anything about it!" Jimmy rebutted.

"The suffering did not have to end in death! There was that trial in New York!" Breena cried.

"I wanted the trial but Eddie was too sick! The flight would have probably killed him!" Jimmy cried.

"He was dying anyway but he would have had a chance!" Breena screamed.

"There wasn't time. There just wasn't time." Jimmy sobbed.

Breena stormed down the hall to her room and slammed the door behind her. She could not believe her husband would say such sick things. What kind of bastard was glad that a baby died? It should not matter how much Eddie had suffered. He was a human life, a child. Death was only good and pleasant when it was an old person. Not a child who should have a whole life ahead of him. Jimmy claimed nothing could be done but Breena knew about the trials. Jimmy should have fought harder for their son. Jimmy had insisted that they should let Eddie die in peace. The doctors refused to hear her pleas. Apparently a man who barely graduated medical school knew more than a mother. He was worse than even the worst of Eddie's doctor. He was a bastard. He should have died instead of Eddie. He should have to suffer twice as much as Eddie did and have to listen to the world ignoring his pleas for help and life.

The fight had taken the last of Jimmy's strength. He found himself sitting in a mostly empty bar, in the middle of the day. He sat in the back corner and prayed that nobody asked any questions. He gave up after only two drinks. He wanted to get drunk and forget his problems but he knew he would have to drive home. Breena was furious and if Breena was furious at him, Ed was furious as well. He knew that Ducky and everybody else was at work. He ordered a glass of water, paid and stumbled to the door. He no longer cared if he lived or died but he did not want to hurt others.

While Jimmy was gone, Breena ransacked the house. She stuffed his things into his suitcase and threw it all onto the lawn. She never wanted to see that bastard again and she sure as hell did not want him around Tori. He would probably find some minor flaw and have her put to death rather than help her. He only wanted perfect children and Eddie would not be perfect. Even if he beat the odds. Jimmy just did not want a child with disabilities. He wanted a perfect, super genius. Essentially a miniature version of the way that Jimmy saw himself.

Jimmy returned home to boxes and suitcases on the lawn. Though he knew that the kick out was coming even before he left the bar. He knew by the way Breena looked at him. She hated him. He knew that she was in hell with this grief but that did not make the pain any easier. Silently he gathered his things and moved them to the trunk of his car. As he parted he saw Tori waving from the window. Breena yanked her away and shot daggers at him until he drove away. And there it was the second worst day of his life.

Realizing he had left his phone at home. Jimmy drove around aimlessly until it was late enough to look for a place to crash. He found himself pulling into Tony's driveway just after the sun had set. He forced himself out of the car and stumbled to the door. He rang the bell, knocked, and screamed until Tyler opened the door. He heard Tyler call for one of his parents and moments later Tony came to the door with Tali draped over his shoulder.

"Jimmy? What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"Breena threw me out. Can I crash here until she cools down?" Jimmy questioned.

"She threw you out?" Tony gasped.

"Long story but she hates me now. Please my head is pounding and I feel like I am going to breakdown any minute." Jimmy pleaded.

"Look Ziva is out with Delilah right now. I will have to talk to her but I smell the alcohol on your breath and don't want you on the road. You can go lie down in the den until she gets home. The twins have homework and it's bath time for Tali. So the kids won't be bothering you." Tony explained.

"Thanks Tony." Jimmy replied weakly.

 **A/N: Will Breena let Jimmy back home? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	10. Crumbling

Jimmy had made his home at the DiNozzo's house. He had tried to call Breena in the morning hoping that she had slept everything off and that she would be ready to talk. No luck she answered only to scream at him and when he tried to call back again. Ed answered and told him it would be wise not to call back. Jimmy could not even get either of them to bring Tori over. He had lost his whole family and did not know how he was supposed to carry on.

Breena hugged her knees to her chest as she sobbed in the shower. The water flowed from the shower head and washed most of the blood down the drain. She could not believe that this was happening. She was already mourning for Eddie and now she had lost another. She could not help but blame Jimmy for this whole ordeal. The last thing that a pregnant woman needed was stress and Jimmy had done nothing to ease her stress. He had only made her life more difficult. Now she was losing her baby and she hated that man for taking her unborn child away from her.

"I think that you should go to the hospital." Ed commented.

"Why? It's too late to do anything. My baby is already dead!" Breena cried.

"I know but they can give you something for the pain and make sure that you do not lose too much blood." Ed explained.

"I don't want anything for pain. I am already in more pain than any human should endure. As for the blood. At this point I do not care." Breena explained.

"Breena I think that you need professional help." Ed commented.

"Jesus Christ! First Jimmy and now you! Can you please just let me mourn?!" Breena snapped.

"I am fine with your mourning but Breena you are really starting to worry me." Ed explained.

"I am in hell! I am sorry that is so stressful for you!" Breena snapped.

Jimmy found himself alone at Tony's house. Tony and Ziva were at work, the twins were at school, and Tali was at daycare. Tony and Ziva had each offered to stay home with Jimmy but he had politely declined. No sense anybody missed work on his account. Besides he really did need the alone time. He needed that time to pull himself together. Accepting that Breena would not speak to him and Ed had taken his daughter's side. He turned off his phone and headed up to Tali's room. That was where he would be staying for the next few days. He would be sleeping on an air mattress in the room of a three year old. He had kicked a little girl out of her room. Because he could not manage to get his life together. Granted he was mourning the loss of his son but he was a man. He was supposed to be strong for Breena. All he had done for her was shove her away and risk never seeing his sweet baby girl again or his unborn child.

Ed lifted his daughter out of the bathtub and carefully changed her into a fresh pair of pajamas. He felt terrible for her. She was really falling apart and if things got much worse he would have no choice but to take her to the hospital. She had already basically given up on her life and stopped responding to him. He had to watch her constantly and mind Tori. He knew that he could not handle her on his own. She needed professional help. He got her changed and then carried both her and Tori out to the car. Having his daughter committed was the hardest thing he had ever done. Even if it was the best thing for her right now.

Jimmy retreated to his room when the twins came home. He adored the DiNozzo children. He had even helped raise the twins before Tony got together with Ziva. It was just hard to be around them or any children. Every child reminded him of his babies. Of the son he would never see again and the daughter he probably would never see again. He collapsed onto the air mattress and broke down in a fit of tears. Jimmy was beginning to wonder if he had anything at all to live for.

The DiNozzo's were all gone again. They had gone off to a presentation at the twins school. Daisy had been chosen out of the entire seventh grade to present her history project in front of everybody, and Tyler would be playing the trumpet with the marching band. It didn't seem like a huge deal but typically only eighth graders were selected to preform at this assembly. The DiNozzo's had plenty of reasons to be proud of their children. Another crushing blow to Jimmy. He would never see Eddie make a presentation in front of the entire school. He would never hear his son play an instrument of see what subject he excelled in. He would only be able to visit his boy's grave.

With a heavy heart Jimmy made his way back down to the kitchen. At least he had free run of the place when everybody was gone. He opened the door of the fridge and peeked inside. He quickly found what he was searching for. Tony always kept his beers in a the bottom drawer. He popped the cap and poured the beverage down his throat. He felt pretty good after finishing the first beer. So he grabbed another and then another. There were four or five cans on the ground when he heard the car door close. Jimmy tossed the cans into the trash and then panicked. How would he explain so many empty cans? He replaced the beer with the twins soda, retrieved the cans from the trashcan and stumbled up the stairs. Apparently this was his life now.

Tony opened the door of the fridge and retrieved a beer. He noticed right away that something was off. He took a closer look and saw that it was the twins soda. At first he thought Ziva had just put it in the wrong place but the next beer he reached for was another soda. He found four more cans of soda. Something was definitely up.

"Ziva!" Tony called.

"What?" Ziva asked.

"Did you mix up the beer and soda or something?" Tony questioned.

"No I couldn't have done that. You know that I make the twins put away their own groceries. Besides you had beer before we left. I know because I put my tea in that drawer." Ziva explained.

"Well that only leaves Jimmy." Tony replied.

"I'll go check on him!" Ziva cried.

 **A/N: Will the DiNozzo's be able to help Jimmy? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	11. Stupor

Breena was heavily medicated the day of Eddie's funeral. So heavily addled that she likely would not remember the event. Which given the circumstances were more than likely for the best. Her father rolled her into the room in a wheelchair. Her head was hung low and her mouth slightly agape. She responded with weak nods, yes or no.

"Last night was pretty bad. I had to take her in." Ed explained.

"From what I understand Mr. Palmer had a bad night too," Ducky replied.

"I wish she would talk to him." Ed sighed.

"I wish that he would talk to anybody." Ducky replied.

Jimmy was nursing a massive hangover the morning of his son's funeral. He had polished off Tony's beers during the night. He was regretting it now but also desperate to have more. When he drank he did not remember the past four years. He did not remember seeing his son get sick from chemo. He had no memory of treating radiation burns. He completely blanked on how Eddie should be starting preschool right now. How they had planned a funeral instead of a first day. He forgot his daughter growing up in the hospital, while her older brother wasted away.

Tony had found the rest of the beer cans that morning. Ziva had to make a trip to Walmart to pick up Tyler's prescription. She had offered to get him more but he had refused. He did not want to bring any more alcohol into the house, until Jimmy was gone. As much as he enjoyed knocking back with a cold one, after a hard day. He did not want his friend to fall down that road.

Jimmy pulled his head off the pillow. Two in the afternoon and he was still hungover. The funeral, what he remembered of it anyway was hell. He remembered sobbing hysterically as the minister read the eulogy. He remembered Breena barely being there and yet still furious with him. Breena had insisted on a closed casket. That was pretty weird for him. Seeing his son dead. He had seen Eddie dead the day that it happened but that was different. Eddie had been alive before that. The last time he left the house he had still be alive just hours before. He had gone cold but there was still signs that life had once been present. At the funeral Eddie was cold and pale. He was made up as a corpse and no matter how good the make up artist and hair stylist was. It was still clear that he was dead. The thought made Jimmy sick to his stomach but the hangover made him too weak to walk. So he got sick all over Tali's soft rug and instantly felt ever worse.

Breena started coming down around three. Her head was aching and her heart was heavy. She did not in fact remember her son's funeral but the pain would not go away. The mental pain was bad but it was somehow dwarfed by a physical pain. She could not remember anything of the previous night. Until her stomach began to cramp. Then she remembered. She had lost her second baby the day before. She had miscarried a child the day before her son's funeral. There was no world in which that was fair. It was a fate and pain worse than even her own death.

It was Jenny who found Jimmy lying on the floor in his own vomit. She had come into the room to get a toy for Tali. Jimmy remembered her screaming bloody murder. The screams made his headache even worse. Eventually Tony and Ziva came rushing into the room. Ziva took Jenny out and closed the door so the other children would not see. Tony helped him up and then helped him to the bathroom.

After the shower Jimmy felt much better. He changed into the fresh clothes Tony had brought for him and headed back to the room. The stain was still there and he could hear Ziva talking on the phone to a local store about renting one of those special vacuums. Instantly the guilt doubled. He had probably ruined Tali's rug. He hated himself.

Breena was sobbing into her pillow. The drugs had worn off and now she was feeling everything. She was beyond miserable. Ed was talking about taking her back to the hospital but that was the last thing she wanted. She did not want anymore drugs. As horrible as the pain was. The drugs made it worse. It was almost like she was trapped. She knew that things were bad but she could not process what had gone wrong.

That evening Tony and Ziva were sitting alone at the kitchen table. They knew that the coming days and weeks would not be easy. As long as Jimmy was here. They would have to keep alcohol out of the house. They would also have to watch Jimmy constantly. While Ziva was working less hours due to her pregnancy. There was a chance that Jimmy would be unpredictable and that would put their unborn child at risk. They had spent the afternoon calling around trying to find a facility that would keep Jimmy during the day. They had finally found a place that looked after adults who could not look after themselves. One part of the building housed adults with developmental and physical disabilities and the other handled adults with mental illnesses.

"I feel so terrible for him." Tony sighed.

"I know I hate to send him to a facility during the day." Ziva sighed.

"I know but we do not know how he will act. I don't want him to hurt you and I don't want him to hurt any of our children. He already scared Jenny half to death. Besides he will get treatment at the center. They had psychologists on staff. They had mandatory sessions but the shrinks also intervene if the patient has an episode on campus. There is an ambulance right there and they can get him to the hospital in record time. In case... something happens." Tony explained.

"I know but it still does not seem fair." Ziva replied dejectedly.

* * *

 **A/N: At least Tony and Ziva are looking out for Jimmy. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please reiew.**


	12. Thirty Days

The pain only got worse after Eddie's funeral. It was a pain like nothing Jimmy had ever felt before and he had nothing to ease his ache. The DiNozzo's had taken all the liquor from the house. Jimmy had started towards the store sometimes but he could never make it anywhere. He would just drive around aimlessly for hours. One day the police found him and took him to the station. Tony and Ziva came to the station to pick him up. Ziva drove him home in his car and after that day the keys were gone. He tried to walk but he never got far. He did not have the strength to make it down the street. The DiNozzo's neighbor would drive him home in her old Ford. They would have the same exchange and after that Jimmy would be brought to bed.

One month had passed since the death of the Palmer's eldest child and only son. Both parents were still lost in their grief and neither had made an attempt to reconcile. Tony and Ziva were urging Jimmy to call Breena. Ed was doing the same for Breena. Neither wanted to speak with each other. In truth Jimmy desperately wanted to speak with Breena. He had dialed her number so many times but he never had the courage to press the button. As desperately as he wanted hear her voice and have her back in his life. He was terrified of what waited on the other end. He knew that she hated him and he could not bear to hear her the anger in her voice.

Breena on the other hand had no desire to speak with her husband. She wanted to file divorce papers but Ed would not let her. He kept insisting that she give it another day. Every day it was "give it another day." She wished that he could see how horrible he had been. She wished that her father would let her sever ties. She wished to be allowed to move on with her life.

Another day, another nightmare. Jimmy went to his care facility in the morning. He sat alone on the couch and watched whatever played on the TV. He had befriended a man who had lost his daughter to an accident. Whenever Paul had the remote they watched kiddie shows. Nobody said a word to him though most would wander away until somebody made Paul give up the remote. Paul's daughter had been gone for a couple of years now but she watched many of the same shows as Eddie. They sat together and mourned together. Paul was like Jimmy where he did not speak.

While Jimmy and Breena got their lives together. Ducky had taken custody of Victoria. Ed had handed her over when he saw that Breena needed round the clock care. The old doctor loved having his granddaughter under his roof. Though he absolutely despised the circumstances. He hated how Jimmy was broken and made Jethro seem vocal. He hated how Breena had shut herself out to anybody who did not blame Jimmy. He hated that young Eddie was dead and that his leaving had destroyed a sweet, young family.

Breena did not even know where her daughter was. She barely even remembered that she had a daughter. She was so focused on mourning her son and her unborn child. It was almost as if she no longer cared about her surviving child. Many people tried to speak with her but most were too kind to Jimmy. So she closed most out. She spoke to four people; her father who had no idea what to say, her friend Maya, her cousin Roger, her co-worker Betty, and a woman she met in her cancer mom support page by the name of Amanda. Other than that she would ignore or scream at anybody who tried to speak with her. She hated Jimmy, she hated cancer, she hated doctors, she hated everybody who ignored her pain, she even hated Victoria Elizabeth. She had permanent marks on her face from tears and her voice was hoarse from her cries. Her world had shattered around her and she had every right to be broken.

By this point Jimmy was numb. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He wanted his daughter but that was it. He was lost in the world without his boy. He had no idea how he was supposed to survive. He only survived because Tony would not let him die. By the thirtieth day he had cried every tear that he could cry. He still had nightmares every night but he no longer woke up screaming. He would just wander downstairs and watch cartoons. He averaged four hours of sleep a night and out of that two were real sleep. The rest of the time he was awake and alone. That was the only time of the day that he was happy.

The DiNozzo's lives began to revolve around Jimmy. Tony and Ziva took turns checking on him every thirty minutes. They made sure he went to the facility every morning and pick him up every night. They desperately tried to talk to him but he could not form words. Tony and Ziva had devoted their lives to caring for him. While the children just stayed away. Tali would wander around but somebody always rushed her away. Jenny was still traumatized from what she saw and did not even want to be in the same room as him. Tyler just didn't know what to say, so he kept his difference. Tyler was the most like the world. Nobody knew what to do or what to say. So most just kept their distance.

On the thirty-first morning Jimmy found himself in Tony and Ziva's bathroom. Jenny was doing her hair for something at school. Nature called and the DiNozzo's let Jimmy use their bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and found the bottle. It was pain killers Tony had been prescribed after being injured on the job. The bottle was half full. For the longest time he held the bottle in his hands. It would be so easy. He would swallow the pills and that would set him free. He unscrewed the cap and poured the pills into his hand. He could practically taste the release.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Jimmy be found in time? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	13. Beyond Hope

Jimmy held his hand over his mouth. The pills dropped onto his tongue. He reached for a glass of water and poured the clear liquid into his mouth. The pills and water flowed down his throat almost too easily. He fell to the floor, curled up in a ball, and closed his eyes. He relaxed knowing that the next time he opened his eyes. He would see his son once again.

Tony knocked on the door again to no avail. He wished that Ziva would just hurry up in there. He knew how hard morning sickness could be but Ziva hadn't been sick much this pregnancy. He was seconds away from giving up and forcing Jenny out of the bathroom. When he heard familiar footprints coming down the hall.

"Tony! Are you ready yet?!" Ziva called.

"No I am waiting for the bathroom. Wait you aren't in there?" Tony observed.

"No I just had to grab my contact solution." Ziva replied.

"So is one of the kids in there?" Tony asked.

"No Ducky picked Tali up for daycare and the twins just left for the bus." Ziva explained.

"That leaves Jimmy." Tony replied.

A surge of fear washed over both Tony and Ziva. Jimmy using the bathroom was not a big deal. It was a basic human function, but after years of working for Gibbs had left the DiNozzo's with finely tuned guts. They did not get the feeling hours or days in advance but they did know when things were going wrong. Tony jiggled the knob but the door was locked. Ziva removed the clip from her hair and expertly picked the lock. The door popped open and Tony cautiously stepped inside.

The sight was enough to make the seasoned agent feel sick to his stomach. He covered his mouth with his hand and swallowed hard. He spotted the empty pill bottle in front of the sink and the broken water glass clasped in Jimmy's hand. It didn't take a detective to figure out what had happened.

"Call 911! NOW!" Tony screamed.

Ziva forced herself to go on automatic. She grabbed Tony's phone off the dresser and called 911. She reported everything exactly how Tony told her; suicide attempt with pills, thirty year old man, diabetic, recently lost his son to cancer, separated from wife. The operator remained on the line until she was convinced that Tony knew how to handle things.

The ambulance arrived ten minutes later and the paramedics went to work on Jimmy. While they worked desperately to save his life. Tony and Ziva clung to each other and prayed. They could not believe they had let this happen. They knew that Jimmy needed extra attention. They should have never let him out of their sight. They should have known that this would happen. They should have been ready.

Tony made the calls while Ziva drove to the hospital. They were not sure what to expect, Ducky just dropped Tori off at daycare and headed to the hospital. Tori had been frightened by the ICU when Eddie last stayed there. That's where Jimmy would be at least overnight and once he was awake and stable he would be transferred to the psych ward. He would be there for at least a few days. As of now the future was unknown but no matter what the outcome the coming weeks would not be easy.

The good news was that Jimmy was expected to survive. They got his stomach pumped just in time and he vitals were good. The next forty eight hours were still critical but he was actually fighting. He was not allowed to have visitors yet. When he was allowed company visits would have to be kept under thirty minutes and he was limited to two visitors at a time. Tori would not be allowed to see him until he was in a regular room. "Unless something change." Something changed, was nurse talk for Jimmy took a turn for the worst.

"Jimmy started to become agitated. They gave him a mild sedative and do not expect him to wake up until morning. He will not be up for visitors for a couple of hours. When we are allowed to visit we must remember to keep calm. For that reason I strong advise that you two head home and try to relax. If you cannot be calm you cannot go into his room." Ducky explained.

"Shouldn't somebody stay here?" Tony asked.

"I am staying. I have already cleared it with Leon." Ducky replied.

"We will get the girls from school and keep Tori overnight." Ziva offered.

"Thank you very much dear." Ducky replied.

"We will be back after Jenny's presentation. Call us if there is any change." Tony announced.

"Of course" Ducky assured.

Ed's heart broke when he got the news. He could not believe that his son in law had tried to kill himself. Jimmy Palmer had always been the most happy go lucky person. Even when Eddie was fighting cancer. Jimmy kept a smile on his face. He was always brave for his family but he also tried to find the good. Eddie's death had destroyed the smile and Breena shutting him out had pushed him over the edge. He sat by his daughter's side and wondered how he was going to tell her. She did not need anymore bad news. If she even took the suicide attempt as bad news. The way she had felt about Jimmy recently. Ed was actually terrified of the reaction.

Tony cleaned the mess in the bathroom, while Ziva slept. His heart was heavy the entire time. He was haunted by the memory of finding Jimmy's body. He was physically ill when he realized that it was his pills. He wished that he had traded the pills in. Just another simple thing that had nearly taken his friend's life. The guilt was almost unbearable.

"It is time to go to the school." Ziva announced.

"They were my pills." Tony whispered.

"I know but it was Jimmy's actions." Ziva reminded.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Jimmy come through? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	14. Guilt

Breena did not know how to feel about the news she had just received. She had been so angry with Jimmy. She hated him for not caring about their son, but she never wanted this. She didn't want him dead. In her rage she had said that's what she wanted but in truth that was the last thing that she had wanted. She did not want to lose anybody else. She could not lose anybody else.

"They said that he is expected to make a full recovery." Ed offered.

"They said that Eddie was in remission." Breena rebutted.

"Jimmy's situation is different. Tony found him within a matter of minutes. They got him medical care right away and Tony did everything right." Ed assured.

"I never meant any of those things. I was just so upset. So broken. Jimmy seemed so at ease and that made me mad. I just reacted." Breena explained.

"I will take you to the hospital when you are ready. Jimmy should wake up tomorrow." Ed offered.

"OK" Breena replied.

Tony and Ziva returned to the hospital, after Jenny's presentation. The good news was that Jimmy was already on the upswing. He was allowed visitors but would remain sedated at least through the morning.

"I was just with Jimmy and he already appeared to respond to me." Ducky explained.

"I am so glad." Ziva replied.

"I wish that I had found him sooner. Before any of this happened." Tony said.

"Anthony you cannot protect him from everything. A single person cannot do that. Right now what Jimmy needs is constant care. That is why they are sending him to the psych ward after he recovers from this." Ducky explained.

"He's my friend. I owe him. I should have been there." Tony insisted.

"He is depressed. There is nothing you can do for him. He needs professional help." Ducky explained.

"Ducky is right. We have done all we can for Jimmy." Ziva added.

"Still I should have been there." Tony replied.

Ed brought Breena to the hospital a few hours later. She was still struggling with her guilt bur he had gotten her calmed enough to be around Jimmy. He hated seeing his daughter going through all of this. He hated that Eddie had died the way that he did. He hated that any child died, for any reason. He hated that Jimmy had been driven to a suicide attempt. He knew that Jimmy's actions had not been a ploy to make Breena feel guilty. He was just as broken as Breena was. He felt that he could not face another day. He had lost his son and he was facing the loss of his wife and surviving child. He had finally reached his breaking point. The one good thing about Jimmy's suicide attempt, was that it finally brought Breena around. She had finally realized just how much Jimmy cared about their lost son.

"They said that he could have two visitors at a time. If you want me to go with you." Ed offered.

"No I need to go alone." Breena replied.

"OK but send for me if you need me." Ed replied.

Breena stepped into her husbands room. It killed her to see him hooked up to so many machines and looking so fragile. She hated that she had caused all this pain. She hated that she had damaged her family so severely. If Jimmy ended up dying than her daughter would have lost her father and her brother.

"Jimmy I am so sorry. I know sorry doesn't mean anything. I know this is my fault but I am so, so sorry. You don't have to forgive me but please pull through. You can hate me forever but our daughter needs you." Breena pleaded.

Tony finally had the courage to enter Jimmy's room. The guilt was maddening. Everybody was saying that one person could not save a man in Jimmy's situation. That, that was too much for one man. That Jimmy needed professional help and needed to be somewhere, where he could get round the clock care. He needed to be in the hospital. Still Tony should have been able to do more. He was a cop. He was trained in these situations and had violated so many procedures. He did not care that he was not on duty and only caring for Jimmy as a friend. Still he could have been better, he should have been better.

"I'm sorry Jimmy. I know there was more I could have done. Please forgive me and please, please come through this. You are the best friend I have ever had." Tony spoke.

Ducky took his latest turn with Jimmy. Seeing Jimmy like this was nearly impossible. He felt his own guilt for the situation. He had meant to bring Tori by to visit her father but he had been running late and barely had time to stop for Tali. He could not help but wonder if things would have been different if he had brought Tori over. If seeing his daughter would have given his protege a degree of hope. At least enough to get him through the day. He certainly would have been doing something better than attempting suicide in the DiNozzo's bathroom.

"Victoria needs you to pull through this and Breena has forgiven you. I know that things seem bad but please continue to fight. You are my dearest friend and my surrogate son. Please just fight through this. I love you as do many people. Please get better Mr. Palmer." Ducky pleaded.

By the next morning Jimmy had already started to come around and wake up. He still had a long way to go. His physical recovery would be wrong and his mental recovery would be even longer. He had a long way to go in his recovery and his relationship with Breena. He wanted his normal life back but even with her forgiveness. Things would not be repaired overnight.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy is recovering but what will happen with Breena? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	15. Recovery

Eventually Jimmy was released and transferred to a nearby psychiatric hospital. He was still extremely weak and required a wheelchair most of the time. He would recover physically but the future of his mental health remained uncertain.

Jimmy stared out the window of his new room. The mental hospital was better than the regular hospital. In the sense that he had a little more freedom. The wards and windows were locked but their were common rooms and he could come and go from his room as he pleased. He had three hours of therapy a day and another two of physical therapy. The road would be long but he was determined to get back.

The one draw back to the psych hospital was only being permitted visitors once a week. Saturday was visitation day. A long five days away but Jimmy was praying it would go by fast. He could not wait to see his family and friends once again. Breena and him had agreed to try and work things out and Ducky had promised to bring Tori by every week. Things were finally starting to look up.

Breena wandered around her empty house. Ed had rushed off to deal with some business at the funeral home. This was her first time being alone since Eddie's death. Her first time without a child in the house for most of two years. She wondered if Ducky would bring Tori over. She considered calling him but there was still so much tension between him and her. Him and most of Jimmy's colleagues had objected to the way she had treated Jimmy. She couldn't say that she blamed him. She had been unnecessarily cruel. He had agreed to try and work things out but they still had a long way to go and it would be a long time before anybody trusted her again.

Jimmy's mind drifted to his wife. He prayed that things would work out between them. He hated the idea of their family being broken apart. He hated the idea of his daughter growing up in a broken home. Bad enough that she had lost her older brother and unborn younger sibling. She did not need her parents breaking up as well. At least without trying to work things out.

Breena stepped into Eddie's room. Her first time entering since he had died. If you looked around his room you would not know off hand how sick he had been. Unless you noticed the emptied boxes of latex gloves and surgical masks or the worn places in the carpet where oxygen tanks and feeding pumps had been placed. The room was unusually clean so a nurse could rush inside at any time if need be and his toys were constantly being sanitized. For the most part he had missed out on the childhood rite of passage of having friends over and roughing up his toys. He'd never learned the difference between sharing toys and private toys. Through his far too short four years of life he'd only ever had one friend over. Conner another little boy with cancer. Both boys had been too weak to play much. Conner died less than a month after that play date. After that day Breena could not bring another cancer kid into the house. She hated the reality of everything.

"You shouldn't be in here." Ed commented.

"I need to be." Breena insisted.

"Are you sure?" Ed asked.

"Yes" Breena insisted.

"OK but don't stress yourself too much." Ed replied.

Jimmy could not help thinking about his son. He had not thought of Eddie much in the past few days. Even though it had been Eddie who had pulled him through. While lying in the coma he saw his son in heaven. He saw Eddie free for the first time. For the first time in four years Eddie was healthy and free of medical equipment. He had his shaggy blonde hair and bright green eyes back. He was no longer emaciated and pale. He was finally perfect once again. Seeing Eddie healed gave Jimmy hope. It still killed him to know that his son was gone but he was relieved to know that he was finally free from the horrid pain he had endured.

"It's dinner time, Mr. Palmer." A nurse announced.

Breena struggled to eat the meal that Ed had placed before her. She was trying to better but it was not easy. Everything reminded her of her son and she felt tremendous guilt for the way she had treated Jimmy. She had dishonored the the memory of her son by attacking her husband. At least he was forgiving. Even Ducky was willing to make peace. He had promised to bring Tori over the following day. He had wanted to bring her that afternoon but he had an appointment and had left her with the DiNozzos.

"Do you want me to make something else?" Ed offered.

"No it's good. I am just not hungry." Breena replied.

"Alright" Ed replied.

Jimmy forced his dinner down. Even with the recovery he still struggled with eating. That was probably a big part of why he was still so weak. After dinner was evening therapy. It would also be Jimmy's first session. He knew it was necessary but he was dreading this part of the process. He was dreading having to relive those horrible days.

"Mr. Palmer it is time to go to therapy." Betty announced.

"Coming" Jimmy replied turning his wheelchair toward the door.

Therapy went better than Jimmy had anticipated but he was still grateful when the session was over. There was still time before lights out but Jimmy still turned off the television and crawled into bed. For the first time in months he drifted off into a peaceful and pleasant sleep. He dreamed of his son again but this time Eddie was holding a baby in his arms. Jimmy could not tell the gender but the baby looked exactly like Eddie. Seeing these babies together gave Jimmy so much hope. Even though he would give anything to have them together.

* * *

 **A/N: Both Palmers are finally recovering but will they be able to save their marriage? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	16. Separation

After ninety days Jimmy was released from the hospital. Breena and him were still trying to work things out, but they continued to live separately. Breena had moved out of the house and into Ed's condo. While Jimmy was staying with Ducky. They were trading off custody every other week. They tried to take at least one afternoon a week to do stuff as a family. They were going to counseling but things were still up in the air.

"I don't know. I want to work things out but there is so much there. So much that is not going to go away. No matter how much therapy we go to or how much we talk." Breena said.

"Not every marriage can be saved. You two moved pretty fast and you have been through a great deal. With Eddie's illness and death and the miscarriage." Ed commented.

"I want to stay with him. For Tori's sake." Breena replied.

"Staying together for the kid does more harm than good." Ed insisted.

"I just want her to have a family." Breena sniffed.

"She will have a family. Just not the same type of family that you and Jimmy grew up with." Ed assured.

Jimmy was having the same doubts. He wanted to work things out but did not imagine that it would work out. Breena and him had so many issues. On top of the issues they had battled during Eddie's illness and death. They had the standard issues that every couple went through, but everything was pushed aside. For four years they never dealt with any of their problems or even fought. They just focused on Eddie's care. When he was gone the buffer was gone and everything just snowballed. They had the big blow up and countless fights since. They were trying but things were not looking good at all.

"I think that I want a divorce." Jimmy announced.

"I was afraid that this was coming" Ducky admitted.

"The thing is I don't want to hurt her." Jimmy replied.

"You will hurt her a lot more if you stay unhappy." Ducky reminded.

"What about Tori? She already lost her brother, do we really need to put her through a divorce?" Jimmy asked.

"As a child whose parents stayed together for far too many years. Truth be told I think they should have gone their separate ways before my birth. I know things now that I was too innocent to believe as a boy and in retrospect. I honestly doubt that an infant born three months premature would survive long at the small country hospital where I was born. Unlikely today and certainly way back when I was born. I suspect my parents did as they did back then and quickly married quickly and declared that I had come early." Ducky rambled.

"What exactly were you getting at?" Jimmy questioned.

"Marriage does not always have to work out. Sometimes it is better for the children if the parents are separated." Ducky explained.

"How do I know what is right?" Jimmy asked.

"You will know when the time comes." Ducky replied.

It was hard for Breena to know that her marriage was ending. She wanted to save the union for the sake of their daughter but Ed was right. It was better for Tori if they split up amicably and kept her first. Than if they kept the marriage together and put themselves first. Jimmy and her had a session the next day and that would be when she broke the news. She knew that it would hurt. It was going to destroy her but the damage had been done.

"He'll understand." Ed assured.

"What if he doesn't? What if he tries to kill himself again?" Breena questioned.

"He has care now. Ducky is with him and he is going to therapy every day." Ed assured.

"Still I don't want to set him back." Breena sighed.

Jimmy felt sick as he scoured the phone book for divorce lawyers. He prayed that the split was amicable but even if it were. It was best to lawyer up. He knew that sole custody was unlikely for him after his suicide attempt. Sole custody was not what he wanted but even fifty/fifty or joint may be hard to obtain. He just prayed that he would be able to see his baby girl and be a part of her life.

"I hope that she lets me see her." Jimmy sighed.

"She will. Breena is far more reasonable now than she was after Eddie died. She has worked on her issues as well." Ducky explained.

"What if she is still mad?" Jimmy questioned.

"Then we will cross that bridge when we come to it." Ducky assured.

Breena watched her precious baby girl sleep. Tori had no idea what was happening with her parents. She had no idea that she was about to be a child of divorce, the product of a broken home. It seemed that more parents were divorced or separated now days, but Breena still wished that she could have done more. She wished that she could have spared Victoria from being another statistic, another stereotype, another cliche.

Jimmy held the picture of his baby girl close. He ached knowing how much he had failed her. He hated that she was going to lose her stability. He knew plenty of children of divorce who went on to live successful lives. He still wanted to beat the odds. He wanted to spare his daughter but instead he had failed her. That was not the truth but that was how he felt. He felt terrible for just giving up on his marriage. It felt as if he had never tried. Even though in reality he had tried desperately to work things out. Not every marriage could be saved. His and Breena's was just another statistic on another site that would break parents facing cancer and the loss of their child. His heart was beyond broken.

* * *

 **A/N: Not what you wanted to read but not every relationship can be saved. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	17. Ending

It was official the Palmer's were divorced. They had tried hard and given their all to save the union but it was over. They had worked it out where they would trade off Victoria every other month. She would spend equal time with each parent. Another agreement was that they would sell their home and purchase two houses in the same neighborhood or at least within a very short distance. That way Tori would not face conflict when the time came for her to start school.

The divorce was amicable but that did not make it any easier on either party. Both had shed tears when they signed the papers in the lawyer's office. Divorce was the last thing they had wanted but it was the best choice. Both had issues that could not be resolved.

Once upon a time they had been madly in love but that was before. That was before their two year old son was diagnosed with cancer. That was before they spent four of his six years fighting for his life. The course of events had changed them. To the point where they did not even recognize themselves anymore. They had truly lost since of who they were.

Jimmy leaned against the door frame that led to the now barren master bedroom. The bed furniture had been removed and divided up. Aside from the bed which had been sold. The same could be said about every room of the house. Furniture was divided up and other pieces were sold. Tori's crib had been among the things sold. Two toddler beds had been purchased for for both bedrooms.

"Jimmy. We have to go. The Realtor has a showing at four." Breena announced.

"Coming" Jimmy replied.

Breena took one final look at her home. She remembered buying that house just before Eddie's first birthday. They had one perfect year before cancer ravaged their family. She fondly remembered young and healthy Eddie toddling around the yard. She remembered how one day Eddie stopped walking and started screaming all the time. At first they were not too concerned. It was not long after Breena decided to return to work and they thought it was just a regression due to stress. Then the other symptoms came. The ones they passed off to be a typical illness. Then the pediatrician said the word cancer and nothing was ever the same. The home was no longer happy. Eddie was sick and in pain. Breena was falling apart and Jimmy was fighting to smile.

Jimmy took his final look, at his former home. He recalled the excitement of being able to purchase a home so young. Back then he felt like an old man at twenty-five but he was just a child. At thirty years old he still felt like an old man. He had been through more in the past five years than most endured in a lifetime. Watching his only son face a life threatening illness and then die a horrible death. All the while their daughter was left by the wayside. Even today Tori was in the care of her grandfathers while her parents sold her home. He wondered if she understood. He wondered if she would miss her home or if she even knew it was home. She had spent most of her life in the Ronald McDonald House while her brother fought cancer. Just another example of how unfair and cruel life was.

Until she found a new home Breena would be staying with her father. Finding a home would not be easy on her budget. The family had only kept their home thanks to the kindness of co-workers and strangers. They had sold their first home to a Realtor for a decent price but not enough to finances.

"I have decided to move to an apartment." Ed announced.

"Why?" Breena questioned.

"It's too much house for an old man." Ed commented patting his hip.

"It's just two bedrooms." Breena pointed out.

"And I am one person. I want you and Tori to live here. There is a similar house about three blocks away and I think Jimmy could swing the cost." Ed explained.

"Dad you can't do that. I will work something out. I can get an apartment." Breena insisted.

"Please Breena I only bought this place after you graduated. Back when I still had friends who may want to visit. Now everybody is as old as I am. It seems they are all dead or sick. No sense to have a big house. Just a little apartment." Ed explained.

"Why don't you sell and get money for you?" Breena questioned.

"For what? I am an old man. My future is secured and money can't buy me the only thing that I want anymore." Ed explained.

"Same here" Breena sighed.

Jimmy went back to Ducky's home. Tori was waiting for him when he returned. Today was his last day with her before she was sent to Breena's for a whole month. Jimmy wondered how he would survive an entire month without his baby girl. He wished that they did not have this agreement. He wished that they were still a family. He wished that he could have his old life back. Being happily married to Breena with a healthy son. He wished that Tori could have known that life. Two parents who were happily married and a healthy older brother. He hated what his life had become.

"Is everything taken care of?" Ducky questioned.

"As of two everything is settled. We signed the papers this morning and the moving trucks had left by two." Jimmy explained.

"How did it go?" Ducky asked.

"It was rough." Jimmy sighed.

"Want to talk about it?" Ducky asked.

"Not right now. Not much to talk about. The house is cleared and everything is over. Everything is over." Jimmy sobbed.

"Everything is certainly not over. You are simply at a new beginning. You have survived worse. You will survive this no doubt." Ducky assured.

* * *

 **A/N: How will the Palmer's settle into their new lives? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	18. Dark Day

Rain bounced off the window and onto the ground below. Jimmy stood in front of the window and watched the rain fall. It had been raining all morning and most of the night, and the yard had already flooded. Jimmy had left the bedroom window open and the carpet had become soaked before he could get it closed. He was supposed to meet Breena at the cemetery but that wasn't going to happen. Not in this rain. The weather did not seem to care that it was the one year anniversary.

Breena's tears seemed to match the rain. She had woken up in the middle of the night crying and had not been able to stop since. Her throat was raw and she felt like she was getting dehydrated. She had not cried in months. Not since what should have been her son's birthday but today was different. They said the first anniversary was the hardest but she feared that it would only get worse from here.

Jimmy moved away from the window. He moved into the small area in his home that he had set up for Eddie. He picked up the last picture they had of healthy Eddie. Except not healthy. He had the cancer but they did not know yet. In those days he had been vibrant with thick, wavy hair and bright eyes. He spent the four years that he was sick bald, thin, and dull eyed. Any time his hair grew back he would have a recurrence. After the second to last recurrence his hair no longer grew. The chemo and radiation had left him permanently bald. Even if he had stayed in remission. His hair would never grow again. He could never put on weight and he was all around miserable. Eddie would have never had much of a quality of life. The disease had ravaged his body. In truth death was the best thing for Eddie but it was the worst thing for his family.

Jimmy's phone rang. It was Breena calling. Even after most of a year. It was still strange that they no longer shared a life or a home. They just traded off custody of Tori and met up from time to time to discuss her care or to attend school events.

"Hello?"

"It's not supposed to stop raining until afternoon and when it does the ground is going to be saturated and hard to trek. Do you still want to try and get to the cemetery?"

"I think that we need to. Maybe leave Tori with Ed or Ducky and bring her another day but we need to go."

"That sounds good."

Breena sighed dejectedly. She did not want to go to the cemetery and was praying that this rain would be her way out. She had not been to the cemetery since the day of the funeral. She still could not handle any of this. She hated having to visit her son at the cemetery. She hated that he had died. Jimmy and the doctors claimed that Eddie would have suffered if he had managed to beat the cancer. That the disease had ravaged his body. He had extensive brain damage both from the cancer and from the treatments, but Breena did not see it. She saw her son as perfect no matter what. He should still be here. She should have saved him. She should have been able to try at least.

Jimmy changed from his pajamas. He put his rain boots on and tucked his jeans into them. He stopped by the florist on the way to the cemetery. He selected a bouquet of bright red roses. Eddie had loved red and the roses were perfect. He placed the flowers on the floor and headed for the cemetery. In truth this was the last place he wanted to be but it was still better than the hospital. Even with remission they could not avoid the hospital. Any sneeze or cough could be something worse. While most kids would get turned away for a fever or vomiting. They were rushed right back. Jimmy recalled how some shot them angry glares and scoffed. While others noticed that Eddie was pale, bald, and severely underweight and knew. Jimmy did not miss those days. If there could have been a miracle and Eddie could have actually lived. Not just been alive. He would have looked into the trial but after all the seizures and fevers, coupled with a very risky trial, and on top of the damage that had already been done. There would not have been much of a life.

Breena pulled into the cemetery's parking area. She was relieved to see that Jimmy had not yet arrived. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a minute to compose herself. She had not seen him since the day three weeks ago when he dropped Tori off at her house. One more week with her daughter and then she would be back with her father for a month. Breena hated that arrangement but it was what was best for everybody.

Jimmy pulled in behind Breena's car. He collected the flowers and walked over to her car. He waited for several minutes while she sat in the car. After a while he knocked the door swung open, Breena jumped out, and got in his face.

"Really that anxious to see our son's grave?!" Breena snapped.

"No I was just checking on you. You were in there a long time." Jimmy explained.

"I just cannot keep it together like you!" Breena snapped before jumping back into her car and speeding away.

Utterly defeated Jimmy walked over to his son's grave. He placed the flowers in the holder and said a quick prayer. The sky burst open again, this time with angry thunder and violent lightning. Jimmy ran for his car. He sat for a moment and waited for the worst of the storm to pass. Before heading towards home.

Breena continued to speed in spite of the storm. The roads were dangerously slick and visibility was non existent. Her hysterical tears and addled mind only made the situation worse. She did not even notice that she was going the wrong way. Until the rain began to clean and she saw headlights right in her windshield. Her car collided with the truck at full speed, Breena's body jerked and then she became surrounded by darkness.

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 **A/N: Will Breena survive? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	19. Another Tragedy

The ICU was abuzz with monitors, alarms, and cries. Patients crying in pain, doctors and nurses barking orders and stats, loved ones crying from grief or fear. From within his ex-wife's hospital room Jimmy was heavily sobbing. Breena remained silent and motionless. The buzzes and beeps of her machines were the only proof of life. The news was not good severe Traumatic Brain Injury, shattered right leg, severed spinal chord. If she lived it would be a long road and she would never be who she had been. If Breena made it through the critical period her right leg would be amputated. As of her last check she was far too critical to go back into the Operating Room. She'd already suffered two strokes and multiple seizures. Ed was a mess and Tori was too small for the ICU. It was up to Jimmy to keep vigil by his ex-wife's bed. Breena and him were no longer married and they were not on the best terms as of late, but he did not want her to die. No matter his feelings of her sweet little Victoria needed her mother.

"Breena I know that you are hurting and I know that the road is going to be long but you have to recover. We have our problems but Tori needs you. Hell I need you. I still love you. Even if it is not the romantic love. It is the love of having a child in common and years together. Please Breena I so desperately need you." Jimmy begged.

During the night Breena suffered a third stroke and was rushed off to the OR to repair swelling. She crashed twice on the operating table. Finally the doctors decided that it was not worth the risk, closed her up and sent her back to her room. She promptly suffered a fourth stroke and crashed a third time. She aspirated and by morning she had developed aspiration pneumonia. She had a severe infection in her leg but was far too weak for surgery. She was hanging on by a thread and the odds were in no way in her favor.

By the next afternoon Ed had composed himself enough to spend time with his daughter. Breena was in terrible shape and the doctors advised her loved ones to say their goodbyes. While Ed was saying his goodbye. Jimmy returned home to collect Victoria. He hated that at three years old she would endure the goodbye ritual twice.

"The thing is Tori. Well you probably don't remember but you had an older brother. He got sick before you were born. He was sick for years and he never had time to get better. He finally died last year. He was just too sick. He was sicker than you have ever been, sicker than you ever will be. At least I hope so. After he died your mom got sick. In her head and I did too. We wanted to stay a family for you but we were too sad. Well your mom just couldn't get better. Yesterday she was in an accident because she was so sad and scared. Now she is really sick, like Eddie and we have to say goodbye." Jimmy explained, fearing that he was rambling.

Ed watched Victoria while Jimmy said his goodbye. His heart was broken knowing that this may be their final moments together. Jimmy had not even called Ducky to inform him of the circumstances. Nobody from NCIS knew where he was. Part of him wanted them there but the other part could not deal with their presence. He could not deal with Abby's big reactions. He could not deal with Gibbs' stoic compassion, He could not deal with McGee's nervousness or Bishop's stress eating. He could not deal with Tony's over concern or Ducky's rambles. He could not deal with anything. He was not ready to say this goodbye, but he had no choice.

"God Breena, I do not want to be here. I do not want to be saying goodbye to you. I never wanted it to end like this. You deserved so much more time. You deserved to find happiness. God I am going to miss you. I will do my best to care for our girl." Jimmy promised.

Forty-eight hours in and somehow Breena was still hanging on. In that time she had crashed a fourth time, suffered two more strokes, and endured dozens of seizures. She had been running a high fever for over twelve hours and the swelling on her brain could not be repaired. The brain damage was going to be severe and irreversible. She would require round the clock care for the rest of her life.

"What did they say, this time?" Ed asked Jimmy.

"She still has brain activity but it is minimal. She loses anymore and she will be classified as legally brain dead." Jimmy explained.

"If that happens. What do you want to do?" Ed asked.

"If she is brain dead we will take her off of life support and send her back to Eddie. If she does not go on her own first." Jimmy explained.

"Can't they try anything? Isn't there any hope?" Ed questioned.

"No" Jimmy croaked.

At two thirty in the morning on her third day in the hospital, Breena Palmer died peacefully in her sleep. The suffering had finally ended. Over the course of sixty hours she had suffered ten strokes four of which were massive, she crashed five times, and suffered over a hundred seizures. Before Jimmy could convince Ed that turning off life-support was in Breena's best interest. It was a devastating blow but it also meant that Breena was finally free. She was out of the excruciating physical pain she had suffered in the past two days and the excruciating emotional pain she had suffered in the past year. She was finally reunited with her son.

With a heavy heart Jimmy walked out of the hospital. He wondered how he would break it to Tori that her mother was gone. He wondered how he would pick up after another tragedy. He desperately wished that things were different but he was relieved to know that Breena was finally free.

"You are finally with Eddie again. I will take care Tori. Til we meet again." Jimmy promised.

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 **A/N: It was not easy to kill Breena but I didn't know how else to write her character. New and final chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	20. Ten Years Later

The wind blew dirt up into Jimmy's face. He removed his glasses and wiped them clean before returning them to his face. Only to have the wind kick up again almost immediately. Frustrated he started to leave. Until he looked back and saw Victoria still paying her respects. This day was near impossible for him to get through. Ten years since he lost his son and going on nine since he lost his first wife.

Ten years and nine years, on and this week was still miserable for him. Ten and nine years on, and he still could not forget. His life had been destroyed twice all within three hundred and sixty eight eight days. Breena and him had been divorced at the time but that did not make it any easier. His heart broke losing the woman had loved for so many years.

Telling Victoria was the hardest part of all this. She was so young at the times of her brother and mother's deaths. That she did not fully understand what had happened. She was a little more aware when Breena died but death was still a hard concept for her to understand. That meant that Jimmy had to go through the losses again about two years after Breena's death. When Tori was old enough to understand the concept of loss.

For a long time Jimmy was alone in the world battling his depression and struggling to raise his little girl. Ed had moved back to Florida not long after Breena's death. He called a few times a year on holidays, Tori, Eddie, and Breena's birthdays, and on the anniversaries. He did this until he died the year before. After losing his only daughter and grandson to dramatic tragedies. It was a welcome surprise when Ed simply died in his sleep.

A call came in from Ed's number, which surprised Jimmy. It was not one of Ed's days to call and Ed was not one to call unexpectedly. Jimmy knew as soon as he saw who was calling. His heart was already broken when he received the news. Ed's great niece and Breena's cousin was the one who made the call. This time Tori was old enough to know about death. The pair held each other and cried their eyes out. Just another loss to an already shattered family.

Ducky was still alive but now in his nineties. He had developed Alzheimer's about five years prior. Like his mother, Ducky's disease progressed slowly. He had just recently gotten to the point where he could no longer care for himself. He had lived in Assisted Living for about four years now. He went in at his choice. To spare Jimmy and Gibbs, from having to care for him.

Gibbs had retired from NCIS shortly after Ducky's diagnosis. He had fought with Ducky about assisted living. When Ducky refused to give into his request to stay with him. He ended up moving back to Mexico. Like Ed he called a few times a year but was not heard from very much.

Tony and Ziva welcomed a son whom they named Anthony Edward. The twins had graduated from high school and moved out of the house. Tali had just started the eighth grade. Anthony Edward was nearly ten.

McGee and Delilah welcomed one child a few months after Eddie died. They ended up moving to Japan when McGee was once again offered the Cyber job. This time with double the money and paid tuition to an English speaking school for their son.

Abby moved away about seven years ago. She was offered a great job out in California. She went round and round but ended up taking the job. Last Jimmy heard she was married and had given birth to a baby girl.

Jimmy just went on with his life. He did his best to care for Tori largely on his own. Being a single father was not an easy task. Having to be both parents was hard enough, but the worst part was seeing Tori long for a mother. His heart broke every time he saw the way she looked at a classic family. The family she'd once had.

Dating was just not an easy task. Jimmy was a busy man working up to ten hours a day and then having to be a single father. He did go on a few dates in that time, largely set ups by well meaning friends. Most relationships did not last past one date and none lasted longer than six months. Finding time was hard enough. Moving past Breena was harder.

He had all but given up on dating. When he met a woman at his grieving parent's support group. Like Jimmy she had lost her son to cancer. He died of a rare form of pediatric bone cancer. Like Eddie young Peter had suffered for years before finally succumbing to the disease. Another similarity was that Nora had lost her first spouse. He had died in the line of duty as a firefighter less than a year after his son's death.

Jimmy and Nora had bonded over their mutual losses and eventually became friends. They were friends for three years. In those three years Nora attended any mother events at Tori's school or with her scout troop. Two years ago when Tori went away to camp for the first time. Nora came over and distracted Jimmy through the week. At the end of the week they went on a date. Within a month they were formally dating. They had been going strong ever since. They would be married in the spring.

Having more children was the hardest battle of the upcoming union. Jimmy wanted more but Nora was not sure if she could handle the worry. Her greatest fear was that one or both cancers was genetic and they would endure a second loss. Jimmy could not say that he blamed her but that did not make his wants go away. He guessed that he would just have to wait and see what life brought him.

The wind picked up again, this time bringing cold rain with it. This was the first time it rained on the anniversary, since the first anniversary. He fought back the bad memories of that day, grabbed Tori and ran for the car. By this point the rain was really picking up. The memories were circling around his brain. There was no way he would drive in this weather. Instead he watched the rain pelt the joint tombstones.

Eventually the rain passed and the sun began to peak out from behind the clouds. Jimmy started down the road. The sun returned and brought with it a rainbow. The sun was shining on Tori's long blonde hair and Jimmy could see how much she looked like Breena. For the first time in a decade Jimmy felt a genuine feeling of peace.

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 **A/N: Well that's it. What do you think? Thanks to all who read, followed favorited and reviewed. One last time please review.**


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